Not so Hackers
by Neo12
Summary: A short parody on one of my personal favourites. Please review.


Hackers  
One of my all time favourites, but its just asking to be taken a piss at.  
All characters belong to their respectable authors.  
©Copyright neo_alex  
  
FBI Headquarters  
Agent: We found the hacker who planted that virus that crashed those  
computers that did that work that.  
Gill: Ok, that's enough fuckwit, I know what he did.  
Agent: I wouldn't talk if my name was Dick  
Gill: There are worse names in the movie! And guess what, you're fired!  
*Agent starts walking away*  
Gill: No, come back, we don't have any more money to hire a different  
actor.  
Agent: Ok, your orders, sir?  
Gill: Well, this hacker is either a little kid-genius or a skinny geek, so  
I want you to take an entire strike force armed like they were hunting  
Osama Bin Laden.  
Agent: Um, Osama hasn't done anything yet.  
Gill: Sorry, my bad, now off you go!  
  
*Dade Murphy gets arrested, grows up and flies his ass outta town*  
Dade's Apartment  
Mother: What the hell are you doing on the computer?  
Dade: *closes the window with the porn* Taking over a TV station  
Mother: You what?  
Dade: I was being sarcastic  
Mother: Oh, carry on then.  
*Dade takes over a TV station. Suddenly his computer somehow shows weird  
graphics and words appear*  
AcidBurn: You are on my territory  
Dade: Trinity?  
AcidBurn: You idiot, The Matrix isn't released yet.  
Dade: That's ok, the film is full of ridicule anyway.  
AcidBurn: Yeah, suppose so, so yeh.get out. What's your name anyway?  
Dade: ZeroCool. mean, Crash Override.  
AcidBurn: Aren't you the guy that.  
Dade: You aren't supposed to find out until later on.  
AcidBurn: Ok, anyway, I'm kicking you off  
Dade: Mess with the best, die like the rest  
AcidBurn: Oookay. that was like so lame, anyhow, see you at school  
tomorrow, Dade.  
Dade: Bye, Kate.  
*Connection dropped flashes on the screen.*  
Dade: Damn, I didn't see that one coming. Ah, well, this calls for more  
porn.  
  
School  
*Dade meats Phreak, Cereal and Jamie.*  
Jamie: Phreak, I need a name, what about the Jamienator.  
Phreak: You so stole that from American Pie.  
Dade: Not out yet.  
Phreak: My bad. By the way, Jamie, never hack anything from your own home.  
Next day  
Phreak: Jamie got arrested, he hacked someone.  
Dade: Yeh, life's a bitch.  
Phreak: *Pulls out a floppy disk* We must find out what' on this disk  
Dade: Wait a minute, how did you get that?  
Phreak: No idea, the important thing is that I have it.  
*Dade gets to work to complete the script*  
Dade: I got it!  
*Phreak and Cereal look over Dade's shoulder and see him playing Virtual  
Valerie*  
Cereal: Wow, man, you beat my old record!  
Phreak: Oh, come on, Jamie's in jail, we need to help him.  
Cereal: There's only one thing we can do, ROLLER BLADE!"  
Phreak: Good thinking, I'll get Burn and Nikon!  
Dade: Who are those two?  
Phreak: Kate is the one you have a competition with and Nikon's the talking  
black guy.  
Dade: I have a competition? Black guys talk?  
*Pulls out some spray paint and uses it on the keyboard*  
Cereal: Good work, doofus, you got all the keys stuck together  
Dade: This is a movie, the keyboard will just look camouflaged  
Central Station  
Jamie: Come on, guys, we don't have much time left.  
Phreak: Where the hell did you come from? I thought the point of the movie  
was to rescue you.  
Jamie: Nah, we have to save the world from a natural disaster.  
Phreak: But we're supposed to be outlaws, like Bonny and Clyde  
Jamie: Ok, then, Bonnie, get to work. What we doing is illegal, but its for  
the greater good.  
Dade: Guys, I am seeing cool graphics on my screen.  
Cereal: Wow, so that's what hacking looks like.  
Dade: Not really, this is just a movie. By the way, you are supposed to be  
outside so I can give you the floppy.  
Cereal: Right!  
*They all get arrested, but Cereal gets the disk from the bin and goes on  
an illegal TV station*  
Cereal(on TV): Ok, we're good guys, the bad guys are the IT support in this  
big company.  
Gill: Yeh, well, they are illegally translating this and showing us the  
number they could have just made up, so we better let them all go, despite  
them breaking like 50 federal laws. You're all free to go.  
Later on, in the pool  
Dade: Kate, look at the building!  
*She looks, but sees nothing*  
Kate: So?  
Dade: Just saying, it's a cool building.  
Kate: Hey, haven't you noticed how we all met for like 5 minutes and  
instantly became best friends?  
Dade: Yeh, and our characters didn't have a hint of development!  
Kate: Let's just kiss, so I can show off my underwear.  
*Lame love song that has nothing to do with the storyline comes on and  
credits roll*  
THE END.or is there gonna be an even worse-made sequel? 


End file.
